Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. Charles Bukowski
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. Kurt Vonnegut
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles Schulz
Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. Ellen DeGeneres
All generalizations are false, including this one. Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. Mark Twain
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Cathy Guisewite
Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something. William Goldman
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often. Oliver Herford
I can resist everything except temptation. Oscar Wilde
The planet is fine. The people are fucked. George Carlin
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin
I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Douglas Adams
Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. Laurell K. Hamilton
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Robert A Heinlein
If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Lawrence Ferlinghetti
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. Rodney Dangerfield
